Up all night

It’s difficult to get things done after work as an adult.

And I want to do so much. I need to do so much. This isn’t me being overly ambitious. I need to do so much if I want to be able to change the material conditions of my life and those of those around me.

Capitalism is a bloodthirsty vampire. It wants all of me. It sucks. The society we live in is trying to extract as much out of me as a worker and consumer as it can, and in that extraction there is so little room to breathe. It doesn’t have to be this way. But at the moment the self perpetuating system that benefits few at the cost of many wants to keep it that way.

There’s so much I want to learn how to do and so much I want to just experience. But there’s so little time to take care of myself and Jenn outside of work. Let alone rest.

In this current battle and hunt for time I’m reminded of my anxieties as they relate to time, time management and rest, or lack there of, when I was in college.

When I was at Carnegie Mellon University I would stay up all night all too often. I don’t know why that was. Naturally, I wasn’t awake all night, rather I resisted going to bed, going back to my apartment. I spent many of my nights at the University Library or the campus radio station. Its definitely a bad habit I developed around other Carnegie Mellon students, with their sleep deprivation competition. I would stay up until I ebbed in and out of waking. Cloudy half finished sentences on a screen. Cryptic calculations on homework. It was a bad habit.

It was a habit that had me exhausted during the day and essentially drunk off of sleep deprivation. The internet played a big role in this as it would be “open for business” all night. Yet, even that space got quiet and I was left with my own thoughts. It got really lonely.

Part of my fears was that if I genuinely went to sleep, I didn’t know if I could wake up when I needed to. I doubted I could make my morning commitments. In truth I knew that my body and mind were so tired that if I did go to bed properly I wouldn’t wake up in time. I had a track record of it. And that grounded my anxieties. So I found myself “resting” along that razor’s edge of drowsy wakefulness.

Throughout this period there were only 2 moments that I was concerned with: tomorrow, after tomorrow.

I could understand tomorrow. I could understand it’s scope. Short term frantic action planning for the next day. I was young and I could manage it. For the most part. Clearly I was running on empty but I could pull from some strange reserves to keep moving and keep most things in the air. Until I couldn’t. Unfortunately working this way meant that it was always a serious of scurried today’s planning for tomorrow’s that snuck up on me.

I didn’t know how to think past tomorrow: After tomorrow caused me a lot of anxiety. I had no control of it. I couldn’t manage the scope of the work that needed to be done to make things ready for after tomorrow. I couldn’t calculate how much inconvenience it would be to have 2 deadlines and and event to attend on the same day when it was happening after tomorrow. Friends suggested I use google calendar, or keep a daily planner. I tried both but it never worked. I could stick to a single system they documented the future and commitments. Because of these continued failures I kept on focusing on tomorrow and just letting the future become tomorrow and deal with it as it came. Clearly there are things that can’t be overcome with a single days notice: projects, exams, family plans, applying to jobs, etc. I couldn’t overcome these things and I wound up burnt, burnt out once the youthful energy evaporated.

I wonder about the damage that I caused my body during this time. Did I do brain damage moving through the world in that sleep deprived delirium?What’s done is done.

I have a hard time having clear memories of this time. Stitching the timeline of the years 2008-2013 is difficult. Granted, it seems that my memory is not generally nearly as clear or vivid as that of others. Especially those of childhood. It is what it is.

It’s 2019 and things have gotten better. A lot better. In the next post I’ll write about the things that happened between 2013-2019 that brought me back into alignment. Until then though, I want to leave you with a deeply comforting poem by the late Mary Oliver, Wild Geese. This beloved poem touches on several of the ideas that helped me heal psychologically, physically and spiritually. I’ll dig into them next time. Until then, I hope you enjoy it and find some light in it.

Wild Geese 

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

-Mary Oliver

With love,


Back in the Saddle

I’m back on campus at Carnegie Mellon University. Can you believe it? It’s really strange to be back here. I rode the bus from where I live, in Greenfield, and to my surprise I wound up catching the ending of the Freshman Orientation Event. There were hordes of 18 year olds. Loud, overly peppy, semi-euro sounding pop. Bright lights, big sounds.

I was hoping to get to the Hunt Library after work, but alas, it seems that they aren’t open late this week. During the school year they are open 24-hours a day. It’s a little unhealthy… But it is good to have a space like that here, where people will wind up all night anyway.

What am I doing here at CMU? Research on Visual Language Theory.  I’m exploring it’s intersection with comics and seeing if I can create a thoroughly researched treatise on how comics can or cannot manifest the things that we expect traditional notions of language to do. Embedding clauses, representing epistemic knowledge, indirect reference, indexicality, among other things!

At the moment I’m trying to accumulate a big pile of research materials. Among these materials are core linguistic texts to re-establish my footing as it pertains to syntax, morphology, and semantics. More on this research soon.

Things were really quiet at work. It seems that there are many big changes underway where I work, despite the workdays being relatively calm. Jenn is doing good. She’s working on an a t-shirt design that we will be selling online soon for Comics Workbook. We did a lot of meal prep yesterday so it was a calm night eating together and watching a little TV.

I’ve started listening to Brian McCollough’s Internet History Podcast. The narratives between the oil, rail and steel barons + the colonial conquest of the world by Europe and the capitalization of early structures on the web. Claim the land. Rent the land. Rule the land by economics… Relatively unformed thoughts right now, as I’m only up to at Netscape’s 1995 IPO.

talk to you soon. take good care of yourself, now.

What a mess.

This blog is such a mess. The category organization is a mess. The tags are a mess. Mess. Mess. Mess.

And yet, it’s still here. That’s comforting. It’s nice to still be here.

That said, I’m changing things up a little. From this point on this is just going to be a 100% catchall blog, channelling the spirit of the early 00’s. This used to be a space for me to put out things related to my comics making and exploration of the medium, but that bandwidth is too narrow. I think about too many things nowadays. I can’t stay on a single topic for too long. I have more to say.
(That said, visual language and self-authorization of expression via drawing and publishing of comics and zines and jpegs and gifs and pngs is something that I engage with practically every day.)

So, some updates:

Since last fall I’ve been quietly at the helm of Comics Workbook. I had been assisting Frank Santoro with the site and social media starting in 2015 as the mouth piece of his Rowhouse Residency project and his Correspondence Course for Comics Makers. This work started when Frank and I created the Pittsburgh Comics Salon and launched the Kickstarter to buy the house next to his in Swissvale to create the Rowhouse Residency.

Last year, and things leading up to then, found Frank’s life going in a different direction than what the Comics Workbook project needed, so after 6 years of manning the ship he wanted to passed the torch. I saw this as an opportunity to lighten his load and to launch my vision for a comics making hub. We talked and he conferred control of it to me.

I took some time and put the whole project on hiatus, publicly. Up to that point, a core crew of volunteers: Caleb Orecchio, Sally Ingraham, Aaron Cocklere and myself had been running a daily blog where we wrangled up as much interesting information from the world of comics, art, commerce and technology that intersected with comics and visual language. It was a monster of a Daily News project. Sometimes we’d write short essays, or reviews of things we were reading about it. It was awesome, but tiring. I hope to bring a practice like that back to the new website.

The hiatus was good. It was the first time I really let something rest. To dutifully nap. In that nap there were dreams that I kept returning too. I allowed myself to wander through the landscapes of those dreams as they pertained to Comics Workbook and I found a feeling that I wanted to manifest, that I wanted other people to experience when they made, read or learned about comics and visual language. That was the spirit from which the new Comics Workbook was born.

In early 2019 I set to work with Pablo Selin to restructure the existing website, http://www.comicsworkbook.com. After some extensive thinking, we landed on a nice structure that allowed us to organically grown and tend to a new digital body of comics knowledge, this time focused on the art and the creators of that art, real time.

At Comics Workbook we are testing a new type of learning space for comics-making.

Through the publishing of comics, essays, reviews, interviews and tutorials we hope to expand the known limits of the comics medium.

We are committed to:

  • creating a hub for comics-making and writing about comics-making that emphasizes the healthy growth and development of its contributors and readers.
  • nurturing an exciting cultural space for makers by makers.
  • investing in the exploration of the comics medium as a vital community form, evolving from its 20th-21st century existence as a commodity form

I’m using social media to motivate new and aspiring makers to create comics and share them, while also boosting the signals of contemporary makers that may need support in building their audiences. Above all I am trying to create a space that is for makers by makers. I do not feel that such a space exists, and for my own sake, I would like it to exist. I believe it will help others.

What else?

Jenn and I are getting married next year. We are excitedly, though overwhelmingly, planning a wedding for next June. Because Jenn and I don’t have very much money, and these things, well they cost money, we’re working hard to figure out effective, cost efficient ways to bring family and friends together next year. Whatever it takes, I want this to be a joyful union of family and friends celebrating the love and trust that Jenn and I have in each other. Loving Jenn and being loved by her has been a life changing experience. More on that in future posts.

This Fall I’m preparing to leave my job at the Greater Pittsburgh Arts Council and to dive into coding. I’ve talked with my supervisors and they are flexible in allowing me to take classes while I am working. I will have to go part time so I will need to figure out how my healthcare coverage will be handled… but that’s a logistical detail you don’t need to worry about!

I am hoping, long term to get into software development. I love computers, learning through computers, I love creatively solving problems and I need to really dive into a career that allows me the money to support myself, my family and my community. At the moment I have so little time and energy to give on all fronts, primarily due to the stresses of money. It sucks, but it is what it is. I am hoping to change that.

As a concrete step to that goal, I have begun Harvard+MIT’s free online Programming Course, CS50. I will be making my way through it this fall.

There’s a lot more, but as I’ve promised to be back here soon, I’ll leave that til then.

It’s late and I ought to get some rest. Take care and be good to yourself.

thanks for reading,

The Idea Factory + PZF 2018

Last weekend was a brilliant doozy here in Pittsburgh. I mentioned that it was a busy one, so you knew something was coming!

I was programmatically double booked, with a cartooning program, the Idea Factory, from 10am-4pm at the Children’s Museum on Saturday and Sunday, and then as one of the head organizers of the Pittsburgh Zine Fair the zine fair’s annual mixer and reading from 4pm-7pm and the main zine fair event from 2-8pm. Combining the setting up, the striking, the picking up of a U-haul and tables Sunday morning at 6am… It was a lot. Thankfully, I wasn’t afraid to ask for help and got the much-needed assistance from the cartooning team that I scheduled at the museum, and my fellow zine fair organizers. Thank you so much.

I was anxiously going over all possible scenarios, load-ins, transitions, shifts at the museum, and above all the zine fair set up. This anxiety filled all last week, so I’m happy to say that it all went swimmingly. I hate that feeling of anxiety trying to get all of your ducks in a row while an event looms ahead, especially when certain things can only come together last minute, but it’s that feeling that drives me to be careful and make sure that everything goes without a hitch. Especially when you’re in a sequence of weekend that all follow each other, in this case, SPX and CXC happening every other preceding weekend… We made it through folks!


The Idea Factory was a concept that I came up with Zena Ruiz, the Children’s Museum of Pittsburgh’s Program Manager. The idea was to create a playful space for an imaginary patent office for contraptions. The goal was to come with ideas for Rube Goldberg style contraptions and draw out blueprints for these contraptions, live, and for kids to take them home to decorate their homes. This process was to be a collaborative one between children visiting the museum and local cartoonists. I was the ringleader of this drawing circus. On hand I had a great crew that comprised of Jennifer Lisa, Audra Stang, Asia Bey, Caleb Orecchio and Camden Yandel. They were my brilliant inventors.

When visiting the Idea Factory, the kids found prompts on colored paper all around the room. These prompts invited them to make a contraption that did a certain thing, buttered toast, brushed a horse’s hair, fed a goldfish, etc. They did this on letter size sheets of white paper. When they were done, they brought their finished draft to the inventor/cartoonists. Children were visiting the museum with their parents so my team had plenty of parental assistance when kids were confused, stuck or needed a snack.



For my crew of cartoonists, their primary role was to work with kids to take their ideas to JUMBO size with writing and clear drawing. Using a big black marker, the cartoonists reviewed over the drawings with the kids asking them about what they drew. How one part connected to the next part and the next part. This was done by having the child work witht the constraints in the prompts and arrive at a workable silly or serious, though usually silly, drawing. Then they went up to the cartoonists and described their machine. The cartoonist the wrote down the play by play in the tradition of Rube Goldberg’s cartoons. Then they worked together to draw, color and label the jumbo blueprint version of their machine. It was REAL.

This was essentially a writing and editing exercise that allowed children to see how their ideas translated across forms. Of course, that was all going on under the hood. On the surface, the kids were drawing their inventions with inventors! It was such a blast.

Besides having fun, the underlying goal was to create a collaborative moment between adult and child of communication and collaborative work – where the child could see their idea fleshed out by someone else. In this sense, it would allow them to be listened to.  That their ideas are worthy of attention. This sense of validation is very important to me in the workshops that I lead, with both adults and children. All of this in the tradition of Fred Rogers.

A huge thank you to Zena for inviting us to spend these two amazing days at the museum during Rube Fest. Another huge thank you to museum staff who were always on hand to solve any problems that came up!





What else? Well, the Pittsburgh Zine Fair returned to its home base, the Union Project on Sunday!

Naturally, by this point of the weekend I was beat. All of the previous week, I was on the verge of tears balancing all of this stuff all of last week on top of my day job and getting some sleep. I can’t tell you what a relief it was at 4pm when my old radio pal, dj extraordinaire Allison Cosby stepped up to the plate  play a set of reggae and dub on WRCT Pittsburgh’s mobile rig. It was bliss. The sun was beaming in through the stained glass windows, the dub warmed my body with its groove, the wall of noise of chatter fluttered around me.  People were smiling, trading, spending money, eating tacos, catching up, meeting for the first time. In all the wretched isolation that comics creates as a commodity form, these moments are what I live for. People really sweetly asked if I had some new comics and zines and I smiled that I’d been busy with other work. Thankfully, they got it.

Pittsburgh Zine Fair 2018 – photo by Di-ay Battad

In it’s eight iteration, the zine fair is a real community production. For example we don’t get access to the space until 1pm, so the first 15 minutes is us all collectively working together to get all 38 tables set up and to get all exhibitors in their spots! It’s a zine fair so we fly low to the ground and are super agile/flexible. Despite that, it was still a super stressful 15 minutes this year. Thankfully, exhibitors Max Gonzalez and Jerome Charles stepped up and helped me direct folks to where tables needed to go. And, as per usual everyone was game to lend a hand and make it happen. And, make it happen we did.

Thom Delair, Raiona Gaydos, Jennifer Lisa and Kate Harmon all pitched in and helped things flow during the fair where we received 790+ attendees from 2-8pm. Wild. We were all wearing many hats that day, organizer Christina Lee was hustling her wares and repping her new print studio, Pullproof Studio, and organizer-on-hiatus/ new-momma Maggie Negrete was there showering her yet-to-be-month-old Mora in the glow of zines. It was a family affair.

We were lucky to have Di-ay Battad snapped some photos right as we opened our doors:

We’re proud of how affordable we can keep table fees. We charge $10 for a 1/2 table and $20 for a full, this is thanks to our low overhead and the great relationship we have with our host site, the Union Project. This important to me personally. This cost allows people to experiment with publishing techniques, commit to publishing things and ideas that are hard to sell, while ensuring that they won’t have to dig themselves out of a financial hole because of their self-publishing.

This year we received 143 applicants but could only offer spots to 64 exhibitors -ACK – this put us in a pickle as to our curatorial process. Above all we wanted, as we always do, to uplift the work and voices of marginalized makers while creating a fertile and ecologically diverse intellectual and artistic landscape in Pittsburgh. The head organizers got together + 6 volunteers and we evaluate our applicants along several axes to arrive at our 64. It went smoother than any prior year, but it was a whirlwind of a process. Though it wasn’t easy, but it seems to have been successful as multiple people came to me explicitly to tell me how much they enjoyed the variety of zinesters on hand.

It’s important to take note, this is a zine fair, not comics show, not an art book fair. There’s nothing inherently wrong about those things, but there are some things that inevitably get lost in those spaces. Aesthetics and popularity before community and empowerment, more often than not.

At the Pittsburgh Zine Fair, we hold in highest regard the idea of democratic multiple and the self-authorization that zines give our community of makers. A high school poet who has been exhibiting at the fair for 3 years now mentioned that she wants to work with the zine fair to organize a high school zine fair in the coming year. What could be more exciting than that? That’s what I’m here for.


Inaugural Mini-market @ Pullproof

PULLPROOF Studios - mini-market

PULLPROOF Studios - mini-market

The weekend before last I sold and shared comics during the Penn Avenue Unblurred gallery crawl. I set up shop at PULLPROOF Studio’s inaugural Mini-Market. All in all, it featured zines, prints, and jewelry by a local crew of great artists. It was really nice company. Among us were Jenna HoustonLizzee SolomonCity Slicker PressMax Emiliano GonzalesJerome “Chu” Charles, Asia Lae, Lilian Kababa!

PULLPROOF Studio is an in-progress printmaking studio in Pittsburgh, PA. They intend to offer a fully equipped silkscreen printing facility with a shared workspace and small storefront gallery at 5112 Penn Avenue in the Garfield neighborhood of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Their mission is to provide affordable access to silkscreen printing equipment, space, and time to artists in the Western Pennsylvania area. It’s going to be nice to have them in addition to the Artists Image Resource on the North Side.

I did my best Frank Santoro/Bill Boichel impersonation and brought comics to the people. Frank loaned me a stash of Colombian comics from when he’d been invited to Entreviñetas in 2014. It was nice to sell those and see them make their way into the hands of Pittsburghers.

I’ve been collecting and curating a wide array of zines and comics that express the vision of visual literacy that I’d like to see more of in the world. Among those collected comics, I also sell comics that I’ve helped produce, my own and those of the Pittsburgh Comics Salon. It’s a healthy mix.

I like to make it concretely clear to people, through in-person experience, that, yes, whatever you’re into, there’s a comic or zine you’re going to love. It’s nice to proselytize as a vendor, not just an educator or artist. I’ll be setting up shop with this set around town some more in the coming months, so keep your eyes peeled.

A huge thank you to PULLPROOF, Christina Lee in specific, for inviting me and hosting this event. This is the kind of selling and sharing of comics and culture I want to see more of in Pittsburgh.



what is a blog? (2018)

Oh boy, the last post here is from, what, two years ago? Oof, these past two years have been a bumpy ride.

Life has gone in a lot of directions and I’ve had to let go of a lot of things for my own mental and emotional health. I’m now 27 and the flow of time is getting weird. I’m not old, but I’d be lying if I told you I had the energy I had when I started this blog six years ago. Maybe that’s a blessing in disguise, though. The past 2 years have seen me double down on the things that actually matter. Not just pissing away tons of energy in 8 directions at once, to no noticeable effect.

In this energetic vein, digital communications are completely different creature today than they were in 2004, let alone 2008. These days, there’s 8 conversations going on in pieces across 4 different communications platforms. It’s overwhelming trying to stay abreast of it all. Often times I lose myself and feel out of time. Not in a good “eternal” way, more of a twilight zone type of feeling. It’s really draining.

Cozytown 34. Made for Comics Workbook.

Which is why the groundedness of Simon Moreton’s recent newsletter for his zine Minor Leagues really hit me:

Spring is here! I mean it isn’t, but it feels like it could be soon; the potatoes are chitting on the window sill, we’re turning over the soil on the allotment, and the rhubarb is growing back. The days are getting longer and the air smells good. Goldfinches on the overhead telephone wires. Sparrows in the bushes. Electric air.

The other day I was drawing the last comic for the new issue of Minor Leagues and something really weird happened. The house shook. ‘Huh’ I thought, ‘that was an earthquake’ and carried on drawing. True story.

I’ve been making Minor Leagues for two years now, and, frankly, I never want to stop. It’s my way of talking to the universe, to the world; asking if people can feel this thing that I feel, too. The world is rough, but life, well. What is it?

Yup, I love making zines. Thinking, writing, drawing, scanning, laying out, designing, tweaking; printing, assembling, stuffing envelopes; going down the post office, joking with the cashier about the cost of overseas stamps… daydreaming. Joining the dots, sowing the seeds.

It’s been a brutal personal time trying to get regrounded since I got back from studying at the Center for Cartoon Studies.

I left the Center for Cartoon Studies in Vermont in 2014 with my MFA and dove into a job working in water ionization, building filters for hospitals. Why I thought that was a good idea, I’ll never know. (It’s the best paying job I’ve ever had but goddamn was that an awful experience…) maybe I thought a non-arts, non-administrative job would let me have mental space for comics making? Who knows.

I do know that it created enough of a financial buffer for me to help Jenn through some tough times and I was left with some savings to take a chance kickstarting a career teaching comics and visual literacy freelance in Pittsburgh. I started working multiple gigs simultaneously, among those were a program called the Digital Corps, workshops series through the Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh, a couple of Artist Workshops at the Children’s Museum of Pittsburgh and eventually through a private school, Shady Side Academy as part of their summer programs. In tandem with this I was helping Frank Santoro launch the Comics Workbook Rowhouse residency, co-organizing the Pittsburgh Zine Fair annually, and facilitating 3+ gatherings a month for the Pittsburgh Comics Salon.

Can you smell that smell of burn out? Well, I wasn’t able to at the time. If you want to know about this time, let me know and I’d be happy to talk in person. I have a hard time stringing together linear explanations of how things happen, so you’ll have to be patient with me.

For now, I’d like to just let you know where I’m at. I’m doing better. I’m more focused, despite not being as young and able. I’m currently holding down full-time work at the Greater Pittsburgh Arts Council, tending to my personal life with Jenn Lisa, honing my comics making/analyzing chops through writing weekly for Comics Workbook, co-organizing the Pittsburgh Zine and doing some really amazing things with the Pittsburgh Comics Salon, “bringing comics to the people.”

Screen Shot 2018-02-27 at 4.55.51 PM
Pittsburgh Comics Salon Meeting – First Wednesday of July, 2017

So what’s up with the Pittsburgh Comics Salon in 2018? You may have heard about it before but weren’t quite sure what it was. Here’s the deal:

The Pittsburgh Comics Salon is a cultural organization dedicated to creating an ecosystem for comics making in Pittsburgh. This includes hosting workshops, readings, book discussion groups, gallery exhibitions and publishing solo works and anthologies by local artists. The goal of the salon is to build solidarity, get new conversations started between cartoonists and comics-makers in the area and to push the frontiers of comics.

We currently meet once a month (down from 3 times) at the Lili Cafe in Polish Hill. That is soon to change, but more on that soon.

The Pittsburgh Comics Salon strives to provide a safe and positive experience for everyone, regardless of gender, gender identity and expression, sexual orientation, disability, physical appearance, body size, race, age, or religion. As Bill Boichel and Frank Santoro have said before: commodity form as community form. meeting folks where they’re at. I’m doing my best to reach far outside of the stagnant bubble of “the comics world”, indie/alternative/commercial and mainstream alike.

It’s all one stream. I’ll go into this more at length in the future, for now though, take it in: It’s all one stream.

Anyway, the hope is to write here more often, sharing the process of growth taking the Salon to the next level as a cultural entity. This’ll be a space for public reflection that I’m accountable for 😉 thanks for joining me for the ride.

big hug,